You better slow your roll

You know what really grinds my gears? People that roll too hard. So what if I drive under the speed limit, you don't have to ride my ass. Oh, so now you're honking at me. I'll tell you what, the only thing you've convinced me to do is to drive that much slower.

Guess what else? See that car in the next lane - the one that's driving really slow? After I catch up to him, I'm gonna slow down and pace him. That's right, now you can't even overtake me. Go ahead dick, flip me off. I'm sure your girlfriend is real impressed by your manliness. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what really grinds my gears.

The routine

This is my workout, unless I've already done this muscle group in the previous 72 hours:

• Wide-grip pull-ups: 110/100 lbs. (assist)
• Military press: Bar + 12.5 lbs. (x2)
• Lawnmower pulls: 27.5 lbs.
• Seated row: 60 lbs.
• Traps: 35/40 lbs.
• Roman chair: 35 lbs.
  
• Pull-downs: 90/100 lbs.
• Lateral raises/ shoulder press: 10/ 12 lbs. (x2)

"If at first you don't fail, you weren't using enough weight." - me

I'm so sorry

A few years ago, one of my friends was moving to Ohio to start a new job. We decided to send him off with a night out. Instead of doing anything classy, we went downtown to The HUB.

So we get there, and we get really trashed. And as I always do when I'm in a public place, I was just staring at girls. Specifically, any girl that was walking in. Well, a cute Indian girl walks past me. She didn't catch me staring, but her friend behind her did. The odd thing was, the friend thought I was checking her out. Hello, I'm hot, and you look plain at best. Get a clue.

Anyways, she comes over and starts talking to me. I'm really drunk, so we go to the back of the bar and start making out. After a while she stops and looks at me and says, "You aren't going to call me tomorrow, are you?"

All I could say in reply was, "I'm really sorry." The worst part wasn't that I had a girlfriend, it was that this girl kept smiling and sweetly said, "Have a wonderful life." I saw her on my way out of the bar, and she said it again. I felt so horrible; look, can't you at least pretend to hate me?